I need the strength of YOU to survive….

multiple sclerosis

April 18, 2015 1.5 months before my wedding. ER visit needed steroid treatment

She remembers saying those words so softly as she tried desperately to feel her feet. What was going to happen to her? Who was going to hold, hug and carry her two year old if she couldn’t even pick up a pencil. The nurses showed empathy, but no one could make it stop. The creepy evil in her body made its way up the left side and on to the right before the night would end. The doctors poked and tested with no good news. The best they could say was that it may or may not come back.

Multiple Sclerosis, WHAT? How is that possible?

A deep prayer was sent above because if life had taught her anything, it was that only God could determine her destination. Life has the tendency to kick us in the ass when we least expect it and this was far from her to-do list, but she knew that God had a plan. A plan much greater than her.

She never dreamed in her young adult life that such devastation would haunt her seemingly sweet life.  At age 27, at the start of a new career, with a new apartment, new car,; everything was coming to a halt and fast. July 31, 2006 my life forever changed, my brain  would never function the same again. But it wasn’t a time to give up, nor was it a time to be angry. I had a little tiny person depending on my every move regardless of how promising the diagnosis was or was not.

multiple sclerosis

I Can’t Walk or Feel My Finger Tips Now What?

Multiple sclerosis was something I was not familiar with and didn’t understand why it chose me.   I’d never heard of it and the doctors around me weren’t making very much sense. After being in the hospital for over two weeks and away from daughter I was sent home with a number to call to receive my medication and start physical therapy. I received a cane and notice to return to work within another several weeks. I was mortified. I held back my tears  and thought “I am never going to be the same again”.

Multiple sclerosis is not a kind disease. It eats away at your self esteem, your strength, and your talents if you allow too. The illness generally attacks people between the ages of 20 and 50. At these prime years you are finishing college, starting jobs and family. There is never a good time to get ill, but at my age of diagnosis I initially felt robbed, as if my entire young adulthood was being stolen from me.  During my physical and occupational therapy, I began to learn walk, drive, and take care of myself all over again. At that time I mourned my “previous life”.

Understand that if you’ve never gone through a rapid loss of physical self (i.e. an injury, accident, illness, etc.) you may not understand what I mean. My mind had to adjust to no longer being the same person. I was no longer as witty, no longer as physically fast, my memory was shorter, and I was in horrible pain. Those were only a few of my symptoms. I must explain that this all happened over a period of a day, so I never had a chance to “search” for what was happening to my body. I just went to the ER and returned home a different person.

As days and months went on I decided it was not a time to be sad, instead now it’s was a  time to fight and pray. My prognosis was not looking good and I had to prove to myself I could fight this. I never gave up, I kept my head held high, and believe  that I was never alone in my journey.

Music is such a deep part of my soul. I listened to Fly Like a Bird by Mariah Carey over and over. Sometimes I was speechless when His messages spoke to me. I just never give up. I can’t explain the type of fighter that is within all of us.

multiple sclerosis

May 8 , 2015 1st Tysabri Infusion

July 31, 2016 marked a decade since my Multiple Sclerosis diagnosis and I have fought some of my biggest fears. My fears including trying medication that have dangerous risks,  I’ve had numerous horrible relapses,  losing my vision, having employment issue, afraid I would never have more children (I now have an almost 2 year old) enduring daily pain, learning to drive yet again, and yes I am back physical therapy for the 100th time. The list of fears is endless. Multiple Sclerosis is unpredictable, but I’ve learned to not let it predict my life.  My life has seen so many downs but far many more ups. Put your trust in your higher being and believe in yourself and all things are possible including, healing, success, happiness, and more.

If you are fighting an invisible illness,  sometimes you may find it difficult for people to understand what you are going through. Just remember you must always continue loving and taking care of yourself first.

For those people that don’t understand that we can look stunning, be great parents, good friends, and still need to miss a few days out of the month because our body just doesn’t agree with our brain then I’m not sorry you don’t understand, pick up a  book a read the different illnesses that exist and stop staring.  To the driver that is mad because  we have handicap plates on our car but our body looks fit because we stay drinking green smoothies , water , exercising and we don’t look “handicap”, it’s because we don’t “actually” need a wheelchair to be handicap smart guy.  Some of us are trying to keep our body healthy and rid our system of all the poisonous medication being pumped in us daily just to survive so we probably do “look” healthier than you. So do us all a favor and stop leaving the nasty notes on our cars or asking us whats wrong.

multiple sclerosis

May 30th Dancing with my husband after difficulty walking

God has blessed me and each day I try not to forget it. Blessed are those that believe their purpose and will is in His plan. Without much being said, I hope this encourages someone.

Have you survived? Are you surviving? Is your spirit healing others?

Please share.

to be continued…

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